So the anticipation of going back home was eating away at me probably 2 weeks prior to me leaving for Toron”ah” - as I so often say.  I was stoked! I was looking forward to giving my mom a giant kiss, giving my sister her pressies, seeing all my friends and giving them monsterous bear hugs, walking my dog, seeing my old officemates, eating my mom’s home cooked meals… My “to do list” was just as long as Pamela Anderson’s divorce count, so needless to say, I was raring to go.

Here’s how my visit back to Canada went in funny bullet point form:

- Cousin  Vince picked me up because sister and mother were not available. So much for my fanfare. At least Vince and I got to eat on my mother’s dime.
- Mom couldn’t hug me, she was full on sick. Still no fanfare.
- Kathy “I’m not fat, I’m pregnant” and Mario the lumberjack Podaru threw me a party. Finally - a fanfare.
- Saw the cousins at Nathan’s baptism. Who’s Nathan?!? Apparently my cousin had a baby whilst I was away.
- Drove to Steph and Jay’s house. Bear hugged Steph. Or was that the other way around?
- Jay attacked me for the Tim Tams that I brought him. He didn’t share any.
- Finally saw my sister. That bitch is still skinny!
- Tuesday was a day of rest for me. That, and none of my friends could play on Tuesday, so I was lonely.
- Played with a newly born, plasmatic, crying nephew. Aidan Bolos. Hairy as.
- Parents were doing well. Venette looked tired as, and Dante had a perma-smile like Rick Dees.
- Had drinks with Lily and Dan. Lily is beautiful as ever, and Dan went from scrawny little kid to the Incredible Hulk who is studying to become a cop. Ixnay on the drug talksay!
- Visited my old office at Canada Life. I haven’t worked there a year, and yet they threw me a potluck luncheon. I love them!
- Went clubbing in Mississauga. Umm… ya,  you read that right. I went clubbing in the Saug with the old Markham gang. I showed them my new dance moves that I use in Australia.
- Helped organise and helped ruin Rhia’s 30th surprise party. Damn pizza man!
- My friends from Windsor drove up to Markham to see me. God bless them. They drove home that night in sleet, wind, snow, freezing rain, and I think Hurricane Katrina as well. They made it safe. How much do I love them?
- Had dinner with Marie, Jay, Mikey, Maureen, Krissy, and Rachelle. Tried to convince Krissy to move Australia. Marie was not pleased. Ha ha!
- Went to the cottage and tobogganed down the driveway with my sister and Belle.
- It suddenly feels like Christmas now.
- Baby Jam at my goddaughter’s birthday party. All I have to say is bouncy ball playground and cupcakes. I was sold. Loved it.
- Fam  Jam at Venette and Dante’s. Did our annual gift exchange.
- Tracy and Joe announce their engagement. Okay, Roselle - we gotta do something here with our side of the family. Whatayareckon I join the circus or you get pregnant or something?! Come on!
- Met up with my mate Aiyana. Good laughs, good stories, good company.
- Flew to Vancouver. Stayed at Chateau Pernia. I had a coupon.
- Met up with Marty, his new bride Eileen, and of course my family. Nothing has changed, except of course people are getting married left right and centre and people are having children as often as I buy books.
- Did a Christmas Carol Cruise with my old Harbour Cruise friends thanks to Maki, Lilia, Rob, Elaine and Jo. Good times, good times. I was able to sing opera again without having to be judged.
- Reminded myself why I am going to move back to Vancouver, eventually.
- Flew Air New Zealand to come back home and all I have to say is - touch screen individual entertainment units? Uh huh. That’s the shit right there mate!
- Back home in Australia for Christmas and New Years…. life is grand.